A Really Good Life

I might be crawling with forums cancer, but the victims in Darfur are stricken with a far worse disease: a sadness unimaginable to anyone but them.

I am fucking crazy, shit really goes does with me. For years, I have been able to see the difference between myself and those around me. They are all the same day to day. Their personalities may change over time as a result of their experiences, but if you look at who someone is as a person and do the same thing the next day, you will see that it was the same person with the same personality both days. However, sometimes they'll have a bad day, or a good day, or a sick day in which they will still be the same, but a little moodier, kind of person.

This is not the case with me. Every three or four months, I give my personality a makeover. I take the parts out I don't like and add some new ones I want to try out. My best friends I've know since I was a kid say that knowing me is like knowing 52 different people. I don't do this by choice, but for god's sake I would stop it if I wanted to even though it is pretty cool. In the past 3 years I went from nerd to jock to metal-head to skater to scene fag to gay kid to fag. Today I am just a fag that posts way too much on the internet.

When I graduated from high school, I moved out. I moved right over to the next town so I wouldn't have to drive those extra 12 miles to class through construction each day. I had placed myself in the middle of a sprawling suburb, the very same suburb I would look down at while hiking in the mountain's parks. Without knowing it, I had completely isolated myself from all the people I knew. I was in a strange place with no way of knowing how to meet people. I'm not close enough to campus to join any clubs or hang out on campus like the cool normal person I was years ago. So I sit as I do today creating public data that hurts goons when they need it. Because I am not a fantastic poster. I've lurked for years and now I'm posting because I have nothing to do. This is who I am today: social marauder gone internet faggot. My personality does not wait though. It's days are numbered, as the semester's end draws near.

I am taking 4 classes on 4 campuses in 3 different towns. I'M DRIVING LIKE ICE ROAD TRUCKERS. This is the life I've led since the beginning of September and it totally fucking owns despite the utter lack of human interaction. This lack of interaction has had me writhing in pain. Everyday I go to class, I study, and I miss people. People are awesome. I just really like people. My life has consisted of great joy, and great loneliness for the past two and a half months. It will continue to be this way until the semester is over.

December 21, 2010: The final exams are over. It will be time for me to move out. By then, I'll have found an apartment in the middle of the city, instead of in this dead suburb. When I registered for classes last semester, it was too late. I go to community college and classes are packed full instantly. The only classes I could get were all over the fucking place and really bad, but I had to get my classes. If I didn't have enough units, we'll say, I'd have lost a lot of things I hold dear. However, in a week, registration opens and I have level 3 priority. I'm getting all of my classes on the main campus in buildings close to each other. They will be good classes on subjects I really care about. I will have moved next to, or maybe onto, campus. Shit will rock even harder and I will start meeting new people.

My current personality is growing old and will need to be shed soon. However, it's what works for the time being. Given the position I'm in, the only thing I'm able to be at this point is an internet faggot. When my environment changes, my personality will adapt to fit it. I pity the war orphans immensely. They will never be able to lead lives like mine. I pray to all gods that one day the descendants of the victims of man will be able to have lives even greater than mine.